In my Shoes

pindahan..

2006-09-08T11:37:00.000+07:00

like everything in my life at the moment.. i'm moving

http://cottingleyfairy.blogspot.com/

...

2006-08-22T13:27:00.000+07:00

Start over. yes, you probably say.. again?!

...

2006-07-12T11:26:00.000+07:00

i'm having my period. period.

its like swallowing kryptonite juice

2006-07-06T14:47:00.000+07:00

hhhh.. hhhh... hhhhh....

hhh...... hhhh..........

i'm loosing my breath.. can i go home

decision decision

2006-06-27T17:58:00.000+07:00

i have to decide..

i realy dont know what i should do.
am i gonna win, or am i gonna loose..

hurry yan, the clock is ticking.

just me and myself

2006-06-26T13:42:00.000+07:00

crazy thing i did yesterday.. but i feel alot like me again.

Buzz.. to G

2006-06-17T13:10:00.000+07:00

Its Saturday, this afternoon I’m gonna see ika, for our Curhat Berdarah. This time, she need it, and I’m all ears. Its only 10 o’clock now, I still have time to lay around and daydream.
i’ve got long hours in front of the computer everyday of the week in the office, but every time I see my computer at home, I just couldn’t help it to turn it on. Even if, it’s just to listen to one single song. And play a little solitaire, accompanying me listening the songs. Well maybe since Rengge is playing the commando of the songs in our redaksi room. I cant really listen to my kinda songs. I’m currently listening to jem right now.
And her songs, kinda make me wanna write, but I don’t know what to write about.
I know I was supposed to write about whats going on in my office, coz obviously I cant take it by myself, I have to let it all out. But I’m to tired to talk about it. And its only fun talking about it with my co workers in the meeting room when the bos is out. Xixixixixi... you’ll see B, we’re gonna make you shocked.
So, here I am, in that blank spot again. God, can you make my life a little bit interesting. Coz I’m bored here...

loose ends

2006-06-15T14:13:00.000+07:00

funny story my sister told me the other day. like me, she never had a boyfriend, and going trough highschool all by herself. there were guys come and go in her life, but no one particularly stays. even after highschool, during college, they still tries to contact her.
there's this one guy, they were never close during highschool, but confess that he's a fan since 1st grade. he would call her, just to talk, sez hi, how are you doing.. sporadically. once every 6 months, or whenever he wants to. sometimes he said that, i suddenly remember you, yesterday i was accidently seeing our highschool yearbook. or yesterday i met one of your friend, then i remember that today is your birthday. and all off his odd excuses, just to call her.
this is the point of the story goes. my sister's friend met him a few days ago. and he asked about her, how is she doing. spontaniously her friend told him that, she's great, and she's now pregnant for 2 month. the guy was shocked. he practically sit on the floor of citos, and take a deep breath.
this guy just lost two steps. just because he thought he was holding the weel, pending it till the time was right.
and the was a braver guy who is smiling and winning all this. and happilly married with her, waiting for their baby to be born.

there's nothing funny about this story huh?.. well, i'm smilling anyway..

...

2006-06-12T14:14:00.000+07:00

i dont buy it..
no smart words would cover your stupidity.

lembang, 234 Juni 2006

2006-06-12T13:27:00.000+07:00

By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light pretending
That it somehow lingered on

And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
That it won't and it won't because it can't
It just can't
(It's not supposed to)

Clarity -John Mayer

Imogen Heap -Speak Your Self

2006-06-09T02:48:00.000+07:00

Suatu hari saya jatuh cinta sama lagu Hide and Seek. Ternyata sekarang saya siap bersujud pada Miss. Imogen Heap.
Kalo punya uang, sumpah.. cari deh CD nya, kalo ngga cari aja bajakan nya dari temen. Worth it banget. Ga ada alesan untuk ga suka ama ini CD. Liriknya super duper muter muter bagus, melodinya penuh sekali, all in all, this girl experiment is a ”Uereka!”.
Semua tulisan nya bener-bener mengorek-ngorek tempat yang sebenernya susah di jelaskan, tapi dengan sukses, dia mainin kata dan susunan kalimat yang variatif. Yaoloh...
Belom lagi percobaan sound dan instrumennya yang haduh... i’m having fun with her. I feel her, I wanna be her.

...

2006-06-07T10:08:00.000+07:00

pray.. just pray for us.

i hope its gonna be a good start.

short message symphony

2006-06-05T19:14:00.000+07:00

chain reaction..
(lil.. do you read.. copy)

Ika : Bein jobless 4 months n had lost my granpa makes me realise, all d things we've been doin in our life, is not THAT important anyway. Evrything'll fade away, 1 day : ur job, ur money, ur life. Whats more IMPORTANT is 2 let poeople know how much u luv them. Bcoz when evrything fades, love is the only thing u can always carry in ur heart as the memory of them. so let me let u guys know, how much i love u n i'm blessed 2 have you all in my life! Thanx 4 stuckin w/ me.

Aya : Hey, mo kejadian apapun jg, tetep aja gw stuck sama loe pada, mulai mogok mbl,ngerjain tgs ma ta ampe jungkir blk, & skrg tetep aja ada kalian di hidup gw ;D jd hdp gw ada warnanya selalu, ga item putih aja hehehe, luv u guys ;P

Yana : Evry lil hello from u guys, is always a BIG treat 4 me, keeps me going trough d day. never late, always on time. not just ear, but with heart. in my tears, n in my laughs. not just hands, but with soul. girlfriends i love you all.

Flaw

2006-05-29T10:48:00.000+07:00

Once, my friend told me that, when a guy is to perfect to be true, he must have a big flaw, so big to be true. I met someone, don’t get the wrong impression first, I don’t have any interest on him. It just that this guy is so flawless, you would start looking for flaws. Just to see that he’s human enough. I watched his moves everyday, and listened to little words from his mouth that came out so little about him.
You start to wonder, when a guy is this nice and sincere, why is he so.. apa ya.. tertutup.
When he came, everybody around me, was so impressed by him, his determind to learn. Willing to do everything that he could, with a smile, no matter how difficult the task was, a real big help for everybody. He’s.. in popular languages “Gaul”. But, on the contrary, he doesn’t smoke, or drink, and he prays 5 times a day. He certainly now how to dressed up, or dressed down, he wears label without screaming label all over him, mix and match, something hard to find in a guy. In one time chat with him, he told me that he play basketball and he was an MVP at his high school. And did I tell you that he now, working and studying law in an extension class at State University. To good to be true.
When I found out about the phenomenal mistake that he made in his past, my mind viciously came back to the sentences up there. I couldn’t believe it. Phenomenal, is the right word for it. But those flaws were the one that brought him to be the way he is now. A lifetime changing experience, atleast for me, I would never see him the same way again.

I salute you.

back to school

2006-05-15T10:30:00.000+07:00

why do i feel like i'm in high school again..
everything that mather back then, mather now..
i'm i travelling back in time?

Save me -Jem

2006-05-09T17:45:00.000+07:00

Save me save me save me wooh

I've gotta stop my mind
Working overtime
It's driving me insane
It will not let me live
Always so negative
It's become my enemy

Save me ah ah save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh

Why would I think such things
Crazy thoughts have quick wings
Gaining momentum fast
One minute I am fine
The next I've lost my mind
To a fake fantasy
And none of these
Thoughts are real
So why is it that I feel
So cut up and so bad
I need to take control
Coz my mind is on a roll
And it isn't listening to me

Save me ah ah save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh (thinking and thinking)
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh (thinking and thinking)

Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the dumbest of them all
Insecurities keep growing
Wasted energies are flowing
Anger, pain and sadness beckon
Panic sets in in a second
Be aware it's just your mind
And you can stop it anytime

Save me ah ah
save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh (thinking and thinking)
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh (thinking and thinking)
Ok so here we go
If it works I'll let you know
One two three I say stop

can i just cry

2006-05-07T11:10:00.000+07:00

i can't believe it... he's doing it again. how could he do this.. to us. again and again and again. what did we ever do to you? what do you want us to do?..
Not again.. not to her, not to us.
we're exausted.. you cant just lay there.. and sleep.. and hope that tomorrow it'll go away.
face it.. not expecting everyone to clean up your mess.. be a man.. get up!
it's like you want us to go down with you.. just lay there... not solving anything.. waiting to die.

just a ride -jem

2006-05-01T13:53:00.002+07:00

Life, it's ever so strange
It's so full of change
Think that you've worked it out
Then BANG
Right out of the blue
Something happens to you
To throw you off course
And then you
Breakdown
Yeah you breakdown
Well don't you breakdown
Listen to me

Because
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you round and round
Sometimes you're up
Sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
Don't be scared
Don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don't forget it's just a ride

Truth, we don't wanna hear
It's too much to take
Don't like to feel out of control
So we make our plans
Ten times a day
And when they don't go
Our way we
Breakdown
Yeah we breakdown
Well don't you breakdown
Listen to me

Because
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you round and round
Sometimes you're up
Sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
Don't be scared
Don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don't forget it's just a ride
Slowly, oh so very slowly
Except that
There's no getting off
So live it, just gotta go with it
Coz this ride's, never gonna stop

Breakdown
Don't you breakdown
No need to breakdown
No need at all
Because

It's just a ride, it's just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you all around
Sometimes you're up
Sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
Don't be scared now
Dry your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don't forget enjoy the ride

It’s one of those Saturday

2006-04-30T11:39:00.000+07:00

The one I get up at 7 and and brush my teeth and faced my face, then 2 hours swimming across the street at Cilandak Sport Center. I don’t want to push my self to hard, cause I know I wont be able to walk the next morning. Then came the hot shower, this is the best part, I can feel it has loosen my tighten nerves. Closed my eyes for a few minutes. Then I’m ready to dressed up and go home..
I can already smell the buttery pancakes that my sister made for us from the garage. Two circle of chocolate sprinkles pancakes, with a cup of coffeemix, and a stack of Will and Grace DVD’s.. what a perfect brunch.
Then Manda called, wanna go somewhere?.. I didn’t feel like it. I am sleepy now.. I think I’ll spend my day leye leye… or If I’m in the mood, I’ll probably go creambath at the salon. Since I’m working tomorrow. She said.. oh okay, I’ll guess I’ll just hit the OC’s marathon today.. I said, okay have a nice couch potato day.
Then I went to my room.. push the power button on the radio, and lay there on my bed. With my stupid cat on the right side and my journal on the other side. And the radio played Sarah MacLachlan Angels. Then I fell asleep.

"Just Like Heaven"

2006-04-28T13:44:00.000+07:00

baru nonton dvd just like heaven.. hehe telat bgt..
abis baru dapet yg bagus..
yah suw.. i like the opening song, actually it's an old song by The Cure
my brother play it all the time but i never really "listened" to it...
but in this Katie melua version felt deep.

"Just Like Heaven"

Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream he said
The one that makes me laugh he said
And threw his arms around my neck
Show me how you do it
And I promise you
I promise that I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed his face and kissed his head
And dreamed of all the different ways
I had To make him glow
Why are you so far away?
he said Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you

You, soft and only
You,lost and lonely
You, strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream
You're just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe his name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only boy I loved
And drowned him deep inside of me
You, soft and only
You, lost and lonely
You, just like heaven

- Katie Melua (originally The Cure)

...

2006-04-26T11:16:00.000+07:00

“ How do you expect your world would change Will? If you don’t change.”

- Sylvia (Will & Grace)

Mirror Mirror on the wall (or across the table)

2006-04-26T11:07:00.000+07:00

Talk about light bulb moments. I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t think such thing could happened. Last weekend I met my reflection. She’s my mirror, and all this time she was so close, and coz we’re to much alike, we couldn’t even “talk”. She is my best friends best friend from high school.
We had the same trust problem, the tallest wall ever, insecurity, independent, hard to understand and expecting more understanding from people, she’s a Capricorn, and born in the same year, just three days before me, she had the same problem towards relationship, had a betrayal past at early age, hard to receive other peoples affectionate, the first person who acknowledge good thing about other but failed to acknowledge herself.
But the biggest shock is, she’s like my conscious, live version. Everything that came out of my mouth (mostly excuses) she can slap it back. Just like my heart with a speaker, and I can’t mute her. All the truth came out of her mouth, but it’s easier to receive coz she had the same problem.
The difference is, she made it. Bravo bravo! She’s breaking the wall, and had a taste of the other side. And she said it not easy yan.. you could cry all day even, but it’s possible. I’m still struggling she said, but its alot better than sitting there with ignorance. Cause being apathies is the easiest thing to do.

wide open space

2006-04-22T01:50:00.002+07:00

what a mess..
i've been working in my office for a year.. and along the time i work alone. Of course with guidance from my managing director who's background is from design. And every month since last year, i asked for another designer. An art director if possible.
With all the loads of work and tight deadlines, i need help. It's been also brained damage me. Without a sparing partner, how will i know i was doing a good job. All i know is my creativity is not expanding, just plain dull.
So, my boss suddenly grant my wishes. when my new partner came to the office that morning, my boss made a little meeting, introducing him as the new graphic designer, and me as the art director. wait.. What?!
i never ask for this. i'm not ready for this. is he out of his mind. maybe he is.
God o God o God... how dare him! should u be ask for this kinda decision?.. i mean i have a right to say no, right? but i just go speachless..
i mean i cant just say i wont infront of the new guy.. it will ruin my credibility.
when i told this to 2 of my friends, as a panick responded. both say that it's a good news, that means somebody have faith in me that i'm capable.
but i never asked for this. atleast not now, not this time, when i am not sure of my ability.
for cryinoutloud i just worked for 2 year only, never with a guidance of an art director, i dont know an AD supposed to do.
my sister said,
what are you fussing about? i'm fussing about everything that came out from this company regarding artistic is now my responsibility.
who's responsibility is it before? me, but i made the designed
so, what's the different? its different.
kakak, you just have to see it in a wider scale, a bigger picture.

have i been living in my own glass ball, when its time for bigger opportunity i'm affraid that it'll ruin my space.

i'm a whatta...

2006-03-13T13:56:00.000+07:00

hmmm, dari test di multiply-nya manda

My Personal Dna Report

You are a Cautious Artist.

About You
You are an Artist

Your appreciation of beauty, ability to think abstractly, and innovativeness make you an ARTIST.

Never one to be tied to a particular way of doing things, you let your imagination guide you in discovering different possibilities.

You would rather seek out new experiences than stick to your everyday habits, taking in as much of the world as possible.

Your eye for beauty and your willingness to consider different perspectives make your creative efforts interesting—even though you may not realize this yourself.

You prefer to think about things before voicing your opinion, considering a wide, diverse range of options.

While there are forms and styles that you prefer, you tend to keep an open mind when it comes to your artistic preferences.

You are curious about things, interested in the "why" more than the “how.”

You have an active imagination that leads you express yourself in a distinct way.

You're well-attuned to your emotional state, and not afraid to use your feelings to guide you. You tend to be cooperative, rarely contradicting others, and always considerate of their feelings.

You are a fashion maven, up on trends, but distinct in your own style. You don't follow trends, you set them.

If you want to be different:

Be more open to risks in your creative efforts, and don't be quick to dismiss the praise of others.

Think about how attention to detail may help you be more sure of yourself.

How You Relate to Others
You are Cautious

Being independent, practical, and somewhat guarded with others makes you CAUTIOUS.

You tend to keep to yourself, wary of trusting others with personal information.

The values that you hold are central to your identity—you are a very principled person.

You have respect for the natural order of things, and a good sense of right and wrong.

Investigating the world through observation, as opposed to interaction, is preferable to you.

You have an appreciation for those who have attained a certain level of accomplishment, particularly the rare few who have succeeded honestly.

You are efficient—when you work with others, you get down to business, and fulfill your obligations.

You sometimes wish that others would be more like you—less hindered by their emotions, more respectful, and more private.

If you want to be different:

Finding a few close others whom you can trust will allow you to express yourself more openly, and possibly to learn more about yourself.

monika

2006-03-09T15:06:00.000+07:00

“ Kakak, the best things in life is always kept the deepest by Allah, like diamonds.” That’s what my sister told me when I asked here about her sudden decision, wearing a veil 5 years ago.
She closed her most precious gem, her hair and her body. Everybody knows, she had the most beautiful long hair in school. And she looked great wearing her white strapless mermaid bottom gown, that nite at her promnight. But she believed.

Yesterday I visited her house, not exactly what you called a house, but it’s her home now, after recently married on February 18th. I watched her as she and my mom, clean and organize the house.
My sister is one of my proud possession, we belong to each other. We’re best friend, we even spoke telepathically, haha.. we just spoke with our eyes. I was always proud of her, admire her, she’s actually the opposite of me. She’s calm, stick together, and manage to focus every time. She’s smart, gentle and alim (apa bhs inggrisnya). She always manage to be lovable in her calm ways in her society, without even trying. I should have known her presence does mean much, so many of her friends came at our little party yesterday (her wedding). And actually having fun on that day with her.

Many of them were surprised of how quickly she decided to get married, those who were the ones who doesn’t know, the struggle behind it. It wasn’t an easy journey for all of us, specially you Vin. I know it’s been an amazing race, from base to base, detour to detour, and this hasn’t stopped a bit yet.

But Alvin, this is the big point, she knows it, she believed in you. That’s why now, she is trying so hard to be as worth as your triumph, and believed me this has not been easy for her. Now that you’ve got the treasure, she’ll polished it, making it perfect. And trust me she’ll be a dazzling diamond, a classic cut but highlights the clarity of the diamond.

Love you both.

A Sorta Fairytale

2006-03-08T14:12:00.001+07:00

on my way up north
up on the ventura
i pulled back the hood
and i was talking to you
and i knew then it would be
a life long thing
but i didn't know that we
we could break a silver lining

and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you

things you said that day
up on the 101
the girl had come undone
i tried to downplay it
with a bet about us
you said that-
you'd take it
as long as i could
i could not erase it

and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you

and i ride along side
and i rode along side
you then
and i rode along side
till you lost me there
in the open road
and i rode along side
till the honey spread
itself so thin
for me to break your bread
for me to take your word
i had to steal it

and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you

i could pick back up
whenever i feel

and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this
day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you

and i was ridin' by
ridin' along side
for a while till you lost me
and i was ridin' by
ridin' along till you lost me
till you lost
me in
the rear
view
you lost me
i said

way up north i took my day
all in all was a pretty nice
day and i put the hood
right back where
you could taste heaven
perfectly
feel out the summer breeze
didn't know when we'd be back
and i, i don't
didn't think
we'd end up like
like this

( by Tori Amos )

i'm post traumatic?!

2006-03-07T14:29:00.000+07:00

yeah.. i know..
masa sih..
baru tau gara-gara chatting ama nurita (my friend since 5th grade, yg ngambil psikologi) kemaren. tadinya biasa ngebahas soal ga punya cowo.. akhirnya lama2 ngebahas soal kega-pede-an gw. sudahlah nur.. soal ini udah dibahas sabtu kemaren ama temen2 gw, udah abis di bombardir (luv you girls).

nur : knapa lo ga mau terbuka yan?
yan : i'm affraid of hurting
nur : emang lo pernah dilukain cowo?
yan : bukan cowo sih. siapa?
yan : yah waktu SD itu. I (inisial).
nur : oh.. segitu dalem ya? dalem bgt.
oh GOD yana.. you're post traumatic
gw kok ga nyadar sih.. dari dulu..
lo mesti gw terapi, di ruang gelap.
spend the hole day with you..
yan : separah itu...

room 3 basement

2006-03-06T13:44:00.000+07:00

hahaha...

i had such fun the other day... finally my girls ika, aya, oelil, jefri and iqbal (yes my girls) came to my rescue. actually we all need to be saved. apparently karaoke did the best cure.
lalalalala...
love me, love me say that you love me, fool me, fool me, go on and fool me..
cant believe that i'm a fool again, i thought this love will never end, how was i to know, you never told me..
what can i do to make you love, what can i do to make you care...
i never really love you anyway...
i'm too sexy for body.. to sexy for my body. i'm a model you know what i mean...
and i can run, just as fast as i can.. to the middle of nowhere.. you're just like a pill, instead of makin' me better, you're makin ill...
nobody could've love me better, i must stick with u forever, nobody gonna take me higher i must stickwicu... you know how to appriciate me.. i must stickwichu my baby...
if she returns in time, i'll now she's mine.. heaven knows...

dan untuk iqbal.. yang selalu kuinginkan.. yg selalu kunanti.. kucoba untuk mengerti.. apalah arti mencinta.. cobalah untuk setia...

kita memang sudah mabok.. tanpa setetes alkohol pun.. guoblok.

it was so much fun guys... thank yuuuuh.. so much.. right on time.

Homerun!

2006-03-02T14:01:00.001+07:00

Hmmm.. what’s this.. what should I do?.. should I just filled it, post it?
Okay barijoe, I’m catching the bat. I’m hitting the ball…
So here we go…

My 5 Weird Habits, let see… I used to think I have a lot of weird habits, but when it’s time to write it, I can’t remember even one.. Well take it slow..

Oh.. I know..

1. I hate fried onions (bawang goreng) . Ini mah semua juga tau.. dan ga terlalu aneh juga sih, soalnya makin gede, gw makin banyak ketemu orang2 pembenci bawang. Kalo si abang lupa, walau udah dikasih tau, tapi tetep ditaro juga, I would actually pick them one by one. Mungkin rekornya si mie goceng deket kantor, saking banyak dan kecil2, itu sampe seperempat jam misahin bawang doang… buang waktu ya? (oya aku benci bawang dan keluarga, daun bawang serta teman2nya, seledri juga)

2. My body reflects what I feel. My face turned red easily. My feet and hands are always cold. My sister called me frog skin, she said I don’t have any blood.

3. I always save the best part of the food. And ate it the last. Suapan terakir harus sempurna, kedua dari terakhir ga papa ga lengkap. Tapi yang terakhir… hmmm yuummm.

4. I make finger drawings while talking on the phone.

5. This last one is embarrassing, pernah denger saraf ga? Yeah.. kalo gw capek.. saraf gw keluar semua, kedip2 mata, mendongakkan kepala, dan yang paling sering strech my left arm slowly to the side. Huhuhu… untung dikantor ga ada yg merhatiin.. hihihi..

ga boleh nambah ya… pliz satu aja

6.I sneeze like a cat. Kalo bersin dikit bgt seperti ga jadi, tapi cuma bisa keluar segitu, mau gimana lagi.

Hehe… iya menyenangkan juga.. doyan ternyata malu-maluin diri sendiri, minta tamboh lagi. Sebenernya ada lagi.. tapi ya suw lah.. ku lempar deh ke manda, nadia, ika, ama anisha

Barely Breathing -Duncan Sheik -

2006-02-24T10:43:00.000+07:00

I know what youre doing
I see it all too clear
I only taste the saline
When I kiss away your tears

You really had me going, wishing on a star
But the black holes that surround you
Are heavier by far

I believed in your confusion
You were so completely torn
Well it must have been that yesterday
Was the day that I was born

Theres not much to examine
Theres nothing left to hide
You really cant be serious
If you have to ask me why

I say good-bye...

Cause I am barely breathing
And I cant find the air
I dont know who Im kidding
Imagining you care, and I could stand here
Waiting a fool for another day
But I dont suppose its worth the price
Worth the price, the price that I would pay

Everyone keeps asking, whats it all about?
I used to be so certain and I cant figure out
What is this attraction? I only feel the pain
Theres nothing left to reason and only you to blame
Will it ever change?

But Im thinking it over anyway...

I've come to find, I may never know
Your changing mind, is it friend or foe?
I rise above or sink below
With every time you come and go
Please dont, you come and go

take a deep sigh

2006-02-22T10:27:00.000+07:00

bingung.bingung.bingung.

honey.. what's this?.. who's that?.. what'r you doing?..

Upside Down

2006-02-20T10:11:00.000+07:00

Who's to say
What's impossible
Well they forgot
This world keeps spinning
And with each new day
I can feel a change in everything
And as the surface breaks reflections fade
But in some ways they remain the same
And as my mind begins to spread its wings
There's no stopping curiosity

I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I'll find the things they say just can't be found
I'll share this love I find with everyone
We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's songs
I don't want this feeling to go away

Who's to say
I can't do everything
Well I can try
And as I roll along I begin to find
Things aren't always just what they seem

I want to turn the whole thing upside
All finer things they say just can't be found
I'll share this love I find with everyone
We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's songs
This world keeps spinning and there's no time to waste
Well it all keeps spinning spinning round and round and

Upside down
Who's to say what's impossible and can't be found
I don't want this feeling to go away

Please don't go away
Is this how it's supposed to be
Is this how it's supposed to be

(Jack Johnson)
*this guy is so cute

where i wanna be this valentine day

2006-02-15T10:54:00.000+07:00

first post at 25

2006-01-17T15:29:00.000+07:00

pemalas.. since when did i become so lazy. i'm lazy about everything. to lazy to think, to lazy to design, to lazy to pursue what i want. and to lazy to even wanting something. mungkin lagi quarter life crisis aja kali ya..
abis ulang tahun ama tahun baru kemaren garink bgt sih. dan entah kenapa i feel so gloomy, and this has been going on for 2 month or so.. maybe more.
sekarang lagi males ngerjain kerjaan design. apa berenti aja ya.. cari kerjaan yang biasa aja, abis sehari.. tapi ditempat yang nyenengin. keluar dari jakarta pastinya. kerja buat makan sama hidup sehari-hari aja. tapi actually living, living on my own.
although, pastinya i would miss my job right now. after all this is something i always wanted since.. i was in third grade. bahkan sangat ngotot untuk ngambil design. the problem is, i dont think i'm that innovative. suka ga puas ama kerjaan sendiri. do i actually fit here, ato it's just bcoz i want to be here. or this the only thing i know i'm capable of. (yeah atleast i did pas university with good grades and perfect 4 years, not even one single semester added)
i know good design.. but i don't think i could make good design. i just feel, i'm decorative. see.. that is so lame.

Hear Me Out -Frou Frou

2005-12-01T16:46:00.000+07:00

I join the queue on your answerphone
And all i am - is holding breath
Just pick up i know you're there
Can't you hear - i'm not myself

Oh go ahead and lie to me
You could say anything
Small talk will be - just fine
Your voice is everything
We owe it to love
And it all depends on you

So listen up - this sun hasn't set
I refuse to believe that it's only me feeling
Just hear me out - i'm not over you yet
It's love on the line can you handle it

So how do i do normal
The smile i fake - the permanent wave of
Cue cards and fix it kits
Can't you tell - i'm not myself

I'm a slow motion accident
Lost in coffee rings - and fingerprints
I don't - wanna feel - anything
But i do
And it all comes back to you

So listen up - this sun hasn't set
(I refuse to believe that it's only me feeling)
Just hear me out - i'm not over you yet
(It's love on the line can you handle it?)

So listen up
Look at me straight
Just hear me out
Don't make me wait
I'm not myself
I can't take this
Love's on the line
Is that your final answer

I join the queue on your answerphone
And all i am - is holding breath
Just pick up i know you're there......

So listen up - this sun hasn't set
(I refuse to believe that it's only me feeling)
Just hear me out - i'm not over you yet
(It's love on the line can you handle it?)

,,,,

2005-12-01T15:53:00.000+07:00

someone came from the past. i dont know what he's up to. but it's like releasing a ghost.. i felt relieve..

Lebaran!

2005-11-08T11:23:00.000+07:00

2005-09-12T12:19:00.000+07:00

weekend ini,
internet lelet banget. padahal modem di rumah baru di benerin ama si dodi, jadi sebenernya bisa ngeblog, and dia juga bawain software dreamweaver, jadi cita2 mau ngerubah layout bisa tercapai (gagal berat nih, susah ya wujud-in lay out yg bikin diphotoshop, dirubah ke dreamveaver). trus pingin posting soal kecelakan mandala.. udah basi.. just say a little pray 4 them.
i feel kinda empty. mungkin karena past weekend kerja non stop, sakit, dan mostly lonely (haha).. i need some kinda thing that would feed my soul and mind.. pingin pergi liburan, ga mungkin.. i need a getaway, so.. i decided to find a book to keep me busy. i used to read alot, i stoped bcoz, buku mahal ya nek.. bukan kebutuhan urgent lagi. tapi sejak ketemu ama newstand di pa-fest jadi teratasi sedikit. cuma dont have the time to go there, jadi sekali2 nya pergi kesana i could spent all day there. nanti buat posting sendiri deh ttg newstand. after 3 hours lookin at books and magazine, i still couldn't decide what to read. pas baru dateng, pinginnya buku yang banyak feel-nya, yang take me to another place... or maybe some romance. tapi di romance section ada mba2 yang lama banget disana kayanya ga mau gantian, jadi nyari2 ada di literatur... ada cottingley fairies sih.. tapi udah tau ceritanya.. nanti deh kalo balik lagi bulan depan. coba check lagi ke bagian romance... wah si mba masih disana.. ada majalah baru ga ya.. ga ada, ternyata vogue ama bazar-nya lagi ga penting buat sekarang.. ah akhirnya si mba pergi ke kasir bawa segepok buku harlequin-harlequin-an, hmmm kalo dia aja menemukan segitu banyak.. wah mungkin ga bawa pulang cuma 1 ato dua buku neh. bergegaslah gw ke section itu.. hmm.. you can call it love... i'll be by your side.. (c'mon give it a chance yan).. idaho!.. fabio.. (just pick up one).. hiyaiks... whats with the cover... ah ga jadi ah bisa diketawain amada nih.. ah yan your not that desperate.. (tapi setelah setengah jam kemudian ga nemu apa pun).. or may be i am. i move to another rack to see other books with a more appropriate covers.. (i know, dont judge a book by its cover, but you'll judged it to). jewel (got an oprah book club logo on it)cuma 15 ribu, tapi agak tipis, coba liat2 lagi wah disini bagus2.. then i pick up a thick book with a plastic cover. gambarnya bunga.. tada i think i found a treasure.. white oleander.. it about a mother daughter relatioship.. udah di bikin film kayanya, tapi belom sempet nonto, i bet it's gonna be a whole new experience reading it. bawa ke kasir buku 45 ribu itu,disko ternyata jadi cuma 35. i walk home home smilling, hoping its gonna worth the journey.
i went to 2 exibitions. ada 3 pameran sebenernya yang pingin di datengin tapi sempet ga ya. ada FDGI expo 2005 di JHCC, yang ngadain AdwiCipta (hmm.. gotta worth something), ADFEST di bentara budaya (akhirnya ada lagi kayanya lombanya udah dari maret.. di reklame juga udah lama), ada screening winning ad juga. Sama pameran Foto ID, pameran fotografer2 muda dalam rangka 17-an kmrn, tapi yang ini ga jelas dimana. si oelil juga minta diajak jalan2, and she's okay with accompanying me there, katanya.. for old time sake (oelil gw terharu.. gw juga kangen masa2 itu, be brave gurl). akhirnya kita putusin untuk pergi ke 2 pameran aja, since yang satu ga jelas. FDGI Expo, dari banner dan iklan radio dan tv dimana2, i already thought, that it's a big event. once we got there, ternyata benar. since juga, diadain di JHCC, kayanya mereka pake ampir semua hall. sampe di lobi udah rame banget, orang pada mondar-mandir sana sini. ternyata bayar, yah biasanya kaya gini buat mencegah pengunjung2 yang "tidak diinginkan". setelah masuk.. kok kecewa berat.. hiks.. ternyata karena ga tanya2.. pamerannya actually grafika.. jadilah si plotter-plotter besar itu di sana. kirain bakalan banyak karya disain grafis. but, whatdeheck.. jalan aja.. tryt di ujung ruangan ada pameran poster ama photografi.. yah bagus lah.. poster2-nya dididikasiin sama bencana dan berbagai masalah yang ada dindonesia judulnya 'light of hope for indonesia' dibuat ama desainer top asia tenggara, kebanyakan sih indonesia. banyak nama2 yang dikenal dari leboye, pak yongki, bahkan ada pak iwan ramelan, which i'm very dissapointed, karena begitu besar namanya.. kok begitu standar karyanya.
karena ga puas di pameran pertama kita tetep ngotot ke pameran kedua. Adfest Asia Pasific, karena nyampenya udah agak sore jadi kita pikir udah abis screeningnya.. well liat display iklan cetaknya aja juga udah puas. ternyata.. masih ada screeningnya.. dengan gembiranya kita keatas. emang iklan thailand sinting sinting, kok bisa ya, padahal look-nya mirip ama kita. tapi kita ga sekreatif itu.. kalah jauh. iklan jepang juga lain lagi, komik sekali. dateng ke pameran kaya gini, langsung berasa ga berkonsep bgt. baik kerjaan ato hidup. gantung deh.. udah ah

old maid

2005-09-06T13:57:00.000+07:00

i just found 5 grey hair on my head this weekend. guess i really am getting old. katanya sih bisa juga karena stress... tapi kok kayanya setiap penjelasan di google ga ada yang ngomongin soal stress ya... it's all about aging. dan saya bahkan belum 25.

Haunting..

2005-08-31T11:56:00.000+07:00

yana: gw lagi ngeliat frensternya F... tryt... yg kemaren itu arisan kantornya
amanda: iya..gue jg liat
yana: liat photo albumnya ga?
yana: oh my... horor
amanda: hmmmm...
amanda: napa ?
yana: AK girls
yana: ngapain ya F disitu... i thought she's never a part of them
yana: God i hate their smiles
amanda: ya mungkin somewhere along the way..they pick up f
yana: di photo lain ada L segala sih... ama R
amanda: ohyaaaa..nanti saya liat ah
yana: apakah cuma gw ya yg masih berasa ampe sekarang
yana: they look so happy
amanda: krn mereka kan gak pernah di posisi lo Yan...
yana: R man... R..
amanda: they'll never understand
yana: oh.. did i mention ketemu t (queen bee) hari minggu
amanda: nope
amanda: diana
yana: gw langsung balik muka saking kaget nya... tapi gw malah papas an ama sepupunya, m (angk monik)
amanda: dimana
yana: diana?
yana: oooh... di pim 2 ... Zara
amanda: Zara.. mmmm..
yana: iya... langsung ilfeel gw
amanda: anywaaaay...trus T-nya gimana
yana: T-nya sih lagi ngobrol ama M... tapi... i'm sure she got a glimpse oh me...
yana: dan pasti mikir... ngapain yana disini, emang mampu...
yana: dan dia memborong
amanda: ya gaklah......gak ampe segitunya kali Yan...
yana: hihi... tapi asik kan ngayal...

tik tok tik tok

2005-08-25T06:46:00.000+07:00

look at the time...
bukan, bukan sepagi ini udah nyampe kantor... tapi.. this late, belom nyampe rumah...
i need a sleep, time to go home.

smelly cat.. smelly cat

2005-08-04T10:05:00.000+07:00

aaaaah.... leganya akhirnya lunas juga daku dari jeratan utang piutang... memang pak hambali paling pinter menguras isi dompet gw, blm nyampe tabungan tangannya sudah nadah bersama godaan godaan wewangian di tasnya. yana ngomongin apaan sih?
ada tukang jualan parfum yang dateng ke kantor setiap awal bulan, sekitar 250 ampe 450, di bayar 3 kali, ambil sekarang mulai nyicil bulan depan... nyummy...
langsung lah dia membuka pandoras box-nya, wah apa tuh pak... anna sui udah ada pak...itu baunya gimana pak...hmmm seger bgt...yuck bau nyonyah..
apalagi kemaren dia memulai taktik lain... serangan memori!! iya dia dateng ga cuma bawa parfum baru tapi dia bawa parfum2 lama. u know how certain scents reminds you of certain period of time... yah begitulah. ini kan pas waktu itu... kan... hihihi...

picking a perfume is like picking a personality, once you find a little of yourself now, an alot of what you want to become later in the scent, then you'll know that's the one. it's like defining what u are about.
they it's jinx to give perfume as a gift to someone, specially to your BF or GF, personally i think it's not bad luck. it's just that, it would look like you are trying to make another personality out of someone, than they wouldn't feel like being true to themself.

tapi gw juga ga pernah sih setia ama satu parfum. but one thing incommon they all describe me, yana yang lagi pingin ga girlie, yana yang lagi pingin dianggep dewasa, yana yang pingin jadi the new yana.. (yg ini sering terjadi)
dari semuanya ga pernah jauh-jauh dari "yana", umum bgt ga sih (ga ngejelasin apa2).

overall, this is my scents CV* :
- white musk, the body shop (1996)
- cool water, davidoff (1997)
- leu par kenzo, kenzo (1998)
- ck one, calvin klien (1999)
- issey miyake (2000)
- ultraviolet, paco rabbane (2002)
- rush, gucci (2003)
- ck one, calvin klien (2004)
- her, fcuk (2005)

*tahun tidak akurat

hmm.. What's my scent says about my personality?

it's only us

2005-07-26T12:27:00.000+07:00

ga ada yang pingin ditulis, but i just remembered some pictures, udah lama sih, tapi belom sempet di posting...... miss them much.

huaaa... kapan ktemuan lagi... dan ngobrol ga penting.. dan bertidak bodoh..

top reasons why ladies today are still single

2005-07-18T09:44:00.000+07:00

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men,
have no money.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money
think we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat
heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual,
somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and
have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy
and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!!

11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose
interest in us when we take the initiative.

NOW, WHO THE HELL UNDERSTANDS MEN?

"Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with."

forward dr my girls (ika n aya)
(alasan..alasan..hihi.. but a nice laugh in the morning)

serve..

2005-07-04T12:15:00.000+07:00

Setelah direncanakan berminggu-minggu akhirnya jadi juga. i'm back playing tennis again. Sekujur tubuh rasanya mau copot semua sekarang, but i had so much fun yesterday. seperti biasa yana kan suka berlebihan kalo lagi suka sesuatu. jadi saya browsing-browsing to look at the world of tennis. It's such a beautiful sport, the green fields, the british-ness, and did i mention the clothes, the gear ( a reason to shop, wahaha), this sport has so much style. i missed wimbledon yesterday, just watch a glimpse of it. lagian sekarang kok orang ga seru lagi ya nonton olah raga, ga kaya dulu, ampe telat masuk kantor ato bahkan bolos. although dua jagoan gw kalah dua-duanya di wimbledon kemaren but i'm still fired up about tennis.

Musicology/Sociology

2005-06-29T17:20:00.000+07:00

In this July Edition of the Magazine I've been working on, kita ngangkat tema music. Pas meeting dibahas lah what kinda music yang mau di bahas. Diputusin kalo 80's music yang bakalan jadi intinya. Si 80s ini ternyata berkembang jadi nostalgia status sosial di ruang meeting. I'm not disapproving, cuma makes me remember that old days to, i wouldnt say it was bad, it's just un-wanna-go-back-there-again. My 80's and mid 90's is probably the most exhausting social environment Ive ever been through. I was in this private school yang menganggap semua yang ga penting jadi penting. Kayanya, tiap hari ada bulletin (or dare I say Clue Magazine hihi) yang kita harus baca tiap hari, karena kalo ga tau akan jadi orang yang sangat ga penting. Tapi si bulletin ini invisible, jadi ngeliatnya harus pake mata dan kuping yang sangat-sangat peka. Karena this little detail ga mungkin diumumin begitu aja, everything yang udah out loud itu udah basi. Get it?

Yah begitulah, these details lah yang coming back di perang pamer ruang meeting, yang ternyata jadi berhari-hari maybe ampe majalah naek cetak. They loved it so much, maybe coz they were the happening people back then, (n they still are) and they now these tiny things much much more than I do (of course they are older). It just made me think, they could be nice n friendly to me right now, but back the they could the ones intimidating me, n making my life such a lame thing. And whether they know it or not, thats what theyre doin now.Pameran yang ampir sebulan ini akhirnya dirangkum di main artikel, yang mesti di lay out satu halaman saja, imagine the screaming and the shouting of knowing it all. Kesimpulannya, tergantung where your social inviroment is, kalo anak BMX dengerinnya ga mungkin sama ama anak slow rock, after all music is identitas diri.

Notice that i'm not writing about any music or any songs? Coz kalo ditulis, I would feel like exactly what they're doin.

JASON MRAZ "Sleep All Day"

2005-06-27T16:59:00.000+07:00

Since di kantor lagunya dustak dustak mulu.. lagi di pinjemin CD nya Jason Mraz juga, so i dowload it. Turns out, they love Jason’s tunes also.
Specially this one. Oo.. what a rest to my ears.

JASON MRAZ "Sleep All Day"

His after moan though cries oh no
He's building up a shine but he take it slow
And he knows it's time to make a change here And time to get away
And he knows it's time for all the wrong reasons, oh, time to end the pain
But he sleep all, sleep all day, sleep all, we sleep all day over again
Why don't we?

She said what would your mother think and how would your father react oh lord
Would he take it all back what they've done
No way he said take it, take it and don't break it with your own two hands
That was my old man and he said
if all is grounded you should go make a mountain out of it

oh what a lovely day to have a slice of humble pie
recalling of the while we used to drive and drive here and there
going nowhere but for us, nowhere but for the two of us
and we knew it was time to take a chance here
and time to compromise our lives for awhile
and it was time for all the wrong reasons
but time is often on my side and I give it to you tonight
and we sleep all, sleep all day, sleep all, we sleep all day over again

as time goes by we get a little bit tired waking and baked another Marlboro mile wide
it's sending the boys on the run in the time in hot summer sun
to swim beneath or over outside as they're reading between the lines
then they remember the part in the hallmark card where they read about the dreams
and reaching for the stars to hold on a little bit closer to
and they knew it was time, time to take a chance here
time to compromise our little lives just a little while
and they knew it was time for all the wrong and, lonely, lonesome reasons, oh
as time is often on my side and I give it to you, oh boy
and we sleep all, sleep all day, sleep all, we sleep all day over again

She said what would your mother think and how would your father react oh lord
Would he take it all back what they've done
No way he said take it, take it and don't break it with your own two hands
That was my old man and he said
if all is grounded you should go make a mountain out of it

Antara 13 Maret sampai 13 Juni

2005-06-14T10:14:00.000+07:00

Sebenernya agak-agak malas sih nge-up date blog, Cuma udah agak-agak malu ama diri sendiri. Malahan betah berjam-jam ngebacain blog yang laen. Everybodeeeh! Hebat ya! Kok bisa sih ditengah-tengah load kerjaan, tugas kampus, bahkan skripsi, masih dengan tekunnya nulis. Karena di kantor im glued to the tube of my computer gara-gara kerjaan n dateline mepet, ga rela bgt rasanya kalo menghabiskan my free time dengan nulis (coz I have to sit in front of that box again). N since so much happened in the past weeks, jadi di rapel aja ya.

Clue magazine Juni
After just a few days dari terbitnya magazine Mei, I already make a rough layout of what I wanted to do with this issue. The color, the flow, so later on it would save time. Tapi seperti biasa iklan dan materi baru ngumpul last days. Untung juga sih udah bikin template semua, jadi tinggal paste tulisan aja. All I recall is at some point I felt so drained and out of place.

Phone Call with Ika (again)
Cape bgt pulang kantor hari jumat, dan manda ga ngajakin ngopi. So I called Ika, my one and only friend that stayed at home at this time (coz we dont have BF, even her mom love to laugh at us). Every Friday noon I always felt alone, krn anak2 kantor kerjaannya kalo jam segituan ngomongnya udah ttg clubbing ato rave party mulu. I don't go to clubs. Coffee bean is a satifaction for me. They're not mean people, they just work hard, party hard, drink hard, rave hard. For me it's work hard, shop hard, pray hard. But my dear friend Ika post me a good quote in between my complaints about everything, Yan, jangan kaya Lobster, luarnya keras taoi dalemnya lunak, lo harus jadi kebalikannya, luarnya lunak, tapi dalamnya punya base yang kuat.

Sari Nila
Penting ya? Penting! She's my idol, and she's gonna be in my magazine as featured profile. Agak dag dig dug juga coz ampir ga jadi karena dia lagi ke state. Jadi berubah lah Sari Nila jadi.. Dewi Ivo-Riyanni Djangkaru-Asti Ananta (?!) knpa dari my idol jadi my worst nightmare. (maaf pecinta asti, saya tidak suka dia). But Mba Nila saves the day, shes back, all tired but still drop dead smartly beautiful, with black singlet, etnik necklace, and a long gypsy skirt. I think I would make a written contribution ( blog written), as a tribute to her.

Pitching another magazine
Yaya ternyata dateline ketat dengan satu designer belom cukup buat kantor ini. Mesti nge-gaet satu lagi. Argh!!! Baru istirahat satu hari (wait a minute, setengah hari). Udah disuru ikut pitching. Did I tell you that I stayed till 12 for 3 days straight in the office, n I have to be back by 9 the morning after? I didnt, well I just did. And this cost me a day sleep over too. And another all nigt long mock up printing at Snappy. But it's good learning experience, coz we were guided by one of the best design consultant in Jakarta, or even local advertising. His design was outstanding (jiper gasih). He gave us a peek look of books and magazines, to show us the look that they want. My first design was too flat, so we had to redesign it again. But, I think the outcome was pretty good. Hoped it’s a goal!

Mello Melahirkan (lagi)
Setelah menggendut cukup lama si melski ngelahirin tiga anak. Kaya sapi semua, sekarang udah pada melek, buooooduoooohhhhh bgt tampangnya. Sehat-sehat ya, nanti mau di adopsi papa febri.

She's the one
Sabtu Pagi, abis naek cetak, dan kerjaan, I dont know what to do. Biasanya ngapain ya? Ooo .. my girlfriends.. where are they? With their bf of course. But atleast biasanya mereka telpon, just to curhat about their spouse, their HTI, or whatever. Well, I guess lagi pada ga ada masalah kayanya. *my phone vibrate* yan, ngupi2 yuk di coffee bean. -amanda.

PIM Reminiscing
Karena tiap jumat udah ke Town Square mulu (yaya.. bkn status sosial yg membanggakan), jadi this week minta manda untuk ke PIM aja, yah for old tome sake. Makan KFC, trus ke Oh Lala, chat till night, ooo that good old days.
Jadi nyampe sana sambil nungguin manda, jalan2 ke tempat seatu Metro, it's a surreal feeling, having to know about this place so much but u don’t belong there anymore. I know it’s impossible NOT to meet atleast one of my ex co-worker, and as predicted, there she is, niken, one of the girls from the same department, after a small chat, she have to meet her friend. Manda, sms me, she’s here. Straight to the colonel sanders place. There begins the blabbing, the showoff-ing (hahaha) .. such a stress reliever. It's 9 o’clock already, and febri is gonna join us at 10. so, we decided to move, sambil ngopi-ngopi. Jadi jalan lah kami, sambil liat2 sepatu sepatu dan sepatu. And planet sports, kan rencananya mau balik maen tennis lagi, jadi sambil cari-cari sepatu tennis (hmm mahal ya). After that kita ke daily bread, since oh lala tutup karena perbaikan jembatan PIM. Yah suw duduklah kita. Klik.. kok Toys City gelap ya? Eh Disc Tara, man ingetin gw nanti ke Disc Tara ya, gw mau beli Coldplay, nanti dapet gelang.. ga penting yan. Klik, kok Disc Tara matiin lampu, banner The Incredible bergoyang-goyang masuk toko. Huaa.. Pim dah mau tutup. Padahal Town Square jam segini baru pada dateng. Rupanya karena terlalu sering berkhianat ama Pim, kita jadi lupa kalo Pim tutup jam 10. Orang Daily Bread udah beres2 kursi, dan kita baru sadar, we're the only one yang ditungguin. Dengan muka bingung, malu dan ketawa sepanjang jalan keluar lah kita membawa ice blend masing2 yang masih penuh dan ikut berbondong-bondong bersama rombongan SPG Metro.

Ktemuan ama Wirda n Monika-chan
Yang ini baru beberapa hari yang lalu. Akhirnya!!! Cieee langsung pamer majalah de. Siap guys! Siap dikomentarin, komennya kok cuma, satu majalah lo semua yan? Enden back to gossip, ahahaha, tetep aja udah keluar dari sana, pingin tau aja gitu dunia dalam beritanya kantor lama. Yang udah sepi, yang udah berubah tata letaknya, yang makin banyak kontroversinya. But I missed it, miss them, miss my spot, miss my girls, miss our talks. I never knew I would miss metro this much.

here it is

2005-05-13T11:14:00.000+07:00

dag dig dug.. i'm opening page by page of the magazine.. tryin to all little mistake i've that could be big in the boardroom..
* aduh terlalu mepet
* knapa warnanya ga keluar
* nanti kalo bikin film harus ikut
* naek cetak juga
* is it too girlie
* kanak2 banget, ga bisa lebih apa yan desainnya
* tapi yang drive out boleh juga
* yang one2one juga bagus
* mana disebelahnya iklan alcopops, harmonisasinya klik
* lama2 bagus juga kalo dikombinasiin ama halaman sebelah
* did i do a.. an ok job? yang standart lah
it's such a preasure, since it's actually my first edition of the magazine. after all kalo majalah lifestyle kaya gini kan look yg penting. hiks, mudah2an ga kliatan de.

so, dengan pede nya
extra.. extra..GET SWEAT WITH CLUE MAGAZINE MAY EDITION

.....

2005-05-09T09:48:00.000+07:00

Why do I always feel something that wasn't there?

water and the sun

2005-05-08T09:46:00.000+07:00

Hari ini tadinya ga mau ngapa2in. Mau bermalas2an didepan tv, nonton Before Sunrise yg baru beli kemaren, trus nulis blog. But, si Nei nei dateng, sepupu kecil bulat itu minta dtemenin berenang, karena Papanya ga bawa baju renang. Berangkat lah kita berempat ke Cilandak Sport Center, ama Dinta my little sister.
Nyampe di sana matahari lagi bersinar dengan gembiranya, apadaya anak kecil kalo udah liat air pasti langsung minta nyebur. Menyeburlah kita bertiga ke kolam cetek.. ih kakak ih paling gede sendiri di kolam cetek... hmm. Setelah aga lama nemenin mereka ciprat2an air, dan ngerasa mereka aman, its my time.
I love swimming.. coz I can swim, with all the things I cant, im proud to be a good swimmer. Its been a while since I swim. Dulu, waktu monik (my sister) belom pake jilbab, kita berdua sering bgt berenang. Paling enak main di 2 meter and just flowing like mermaids, touching the bottom of the pool.
There’s just somekind of feeling being underwater, the still silence, the soft slow moving, the flow of the water, and everything about it. But the thing is.. begitu ke luar dari air, pop.. back to the noisy reality.
Paling ga enak gini nih… cewe berenang sendirian, dan ada gerombolan cowo sebaya, kliatan bgt bodohnya. Setelah berhasil gaya bebas dengan sukses, dari ujung ke ujung (aga susah soalnya biasa gaya katak), I decide to try gaya punggung.. ok yan coba lebar kolam aja. Pelan pelan aja yan.. hmmm kayanya udah nyampe nih.. loh ternyata jalurnya L, memalukan. Attempt kedua, matanya dibuka.. pelan pelan.. pelan pelan.. kayanya udah nih, kesalahan bodoh kedua baru ¾ kolam. Third attempt, pelan pelan.. pelan pelan.. buk!! ternyata sudah sampai. Pake diteriakin… Hare gene! Dasar cowo2 ga penting.
Ya udah balik lagi nemenin tuh ank dua… untung sekarang mau main2 di kolam aga dalem, ka nada tangga2 nya… jadi aman lah disitu. Ada anak bule yang mau ikutan maen karena si nei nei bawa pelampung Dora, trus si nei nei bilang aku tadi Tanya whats ur name kak, tapi dia ga jelas gitu jawabnya.. ternyata akhirnya kita tau kalo si anak bule itu orang prancis, pantes ga nyambung.
Did i say its been a while since i last swim, it must been more than a while, coz i forgot, my skin burn so fast.. and this usually last 2 or even 3 days. Well lets just that right now I look like Kepiting Saos Padang.

aaaaahhhhhhh....

2005-05-05T09:41:00.000+07:00

Akhirnya.. selesai juga si majalah itu.. Clue magazine edisi 6 Mei, and as my revenge is a full a day of beauty treatment. Pas banget kemaren libur, so I was making plans.. whether it’s gonna be facial (coz my face is turning into a group of volcanos), lulur (coz I need the massage), creambath (coz my head need a reward, after lots of headaches last week), and a haircut (coz it doesn’t look good). And these 4 things happened to be in 3 different places.
Facial, I only trust someone with needle, in a clinic, atleast I know they only wear disposable ones. Jadi, ga mungkin di salon kan.
Tempat luluran, di Inan (hahaha… salon murah, tapi khusus cewe semua, jadi kita bebas luluran, meni pedi, disalon lain kan 2 hal ini agak merugikan *mahal) tapi disini creambathnya ga enak, tiap creambath disitu kok kayanya ga bersih, rambut jadi peliket.
Jadi creambath mesti di Itje (salon nyokap dari kecil selalu kesini, khusus cewe juga, tapi disini kalo sabtu minggu ato hari libur aga mahal) tapi dijamin puas banget di situ, lagian disana bisa potong (modelnya ga mungkin kaya mba2 teng aja, tapi ga kaya ubud juga sih).

So, facial di bangka, lulur di pasar minggu, crembath potong di cipete, hmm.. I think ill skip lulur. Brangkat lah ke tempat facial, nyampe disana ternyata mesti nunggu dulu, untung ada tukang somay lewat.. makan ambil nunggu, ga lama selesai makan ada tempat yg kosong.Ternyata di ruangan belakang, ada tiga bed, mines right in the center, sebelah2 ternyata temenan, so its not my fault to overheard their conversation, rite. That’s the thing about salon, everybody just blabs. Bukannya ngerasa keganggu dengan obroloan mereka, malah seneng gitu dengerin mereka cerita. Yang satu ternyata suaminya bule, dengan tampang yang Indonesia bgt, sama bahasa yg Indonesia bgt juga, dia cerita ttg hubungan dia ama mertua, prilaku suaminya, yah yg gitu2 de. She actually nice, she let me have her masseuse for a while, karena mba nya mau cabutin alis ku. And at that time break, dia telfon suaminya, manja2an ama suaminya, yg ternyata lagi tidur siang. As her goodbye, dia bilang dream sweet.. maksudnya mimpi yg indah.. yg dia koreksi lagi dengan beautiful dream. Setelah 2 jam, bittersweet moments.. tusukan jarum dan olesan masker dingin yang seger, sama pijatan yang bikin ngantuk, selesailah si facial.

Dengan muka yang 2 kali lebih tebal, its time to go to Itje. Nyampe disana langsung ganti sikemben ijo, and ready for my ultimate head treatment. Such bliss.. with a sweet smell of carrots.. her hands just spoiled my head, my neck n my shoulder. After putting all those cream in my hair, she tucked it with warm towels. Then she massage my shoulder all the way to my hands, with jasmine body lotion. Tunggu beberapa menit ya mba biar menyerap.. Ok mba, bisa minta majalah?Tiba2 dateng ibu2 ngomel, karena katanya dari tadi dianggurin, mau dicreambath, rambutnya udah basah disampo. Duduklah dia disebelah. Dengan muka nyureng ama tangan ngelipet, mulai diolesin cream, selama treatment tegang bgt, emang bisa enjoy ya creambath gitu? kayanya mba yg ngerjain juga stress.Akhirnya si mba mimin dateng bawa majalah yg dia janjiin tadi... taraa.. Clue magazine aja lo 2 biji... mau kabur dari kerjaan malah dikasi reminder.

Yah at least I got out of the salon with great haircut, relax nerve, and smell good. Feels like being born again.

You and I both --Jason Mraz

2005-04-26T09:32:00.000+07:00

Was it you who spoke the words
that things would happen but not to me
Oh things are gonna happen naturally
Oh taking your advice
I'm looking on the bright side
And balancing the whole thing
But often times those words, get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
A little birds who sings about the magic
that was you and me

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of
Others only read of the love, the love that I love.

See Im all about them words
Over numbers,
unencumbered
numbered words
Hundreds of pages,
pages, pages forwards
More words then I
had ever heard and I feel so alive
You and I, you and I
Not so little you and I anymore

And with this silence brings a moral story
More importantly evolving
is the glory of a boy

Cause you and I both loved
What you and I spoke of
And others just read of

And if you could see me now
Well Im almost finally out of
Im finally out of
Finally deedeedeedee
Well Im almost finally, finally
Well Im free, oh, Im free

And its okay if you had go away
Oh just remember the telephone works both ways
But if I never ever hear them ring.. ringading diding

If nothing else I'll think the bells inside
Have finally found you someone else and that's okay
Cause I ll remember everything you sang

Cause you and I both loved
what you and I spoke of
and others just read of
and if you could see now
well Im almost finally out of
Im finally out of, finally, deedeeededede
And I'm almost finally, finally, finally out of words.

kupingku panas

2005-04-25T07:58:00.000+07:00

Parah.. parah.. curhat ama ika ampe 3 jam by phone.. yana rekor.. hihi maaf ya ka, kupingnya ampe panas sebelah.. but Ive got loads of stories to tell, and ika as well.Puas deh, oelil juga udah pas ke tokonya kemaren, tinggal si ay ay.. mau cerita juga Cuma kok kaya nya tiap nelpon dia ga ada dirumah, pas dia nelp lagi low bat. Maaf ya Ya, lo terakhir ya belom denger my wining (memgeluh bkn menang, gmn tulisannya). Tapi lo kan pertama yg gw kasi tau kalo gw dapet kerjaan. Nanti deh when im not this hectic and tired, ill spread it on the blog.

calling all martians

2005-04-24T12:55:00.000+07:00

Okay so... I got a job... so hectic and busy, pass few days.. jadi ga sempet nulis. All I can say is.. apakah aku ada di mars? or am i a martian?

seabl... sebal..

2005-04-24T12:36:00.000+07:00

mau ngisi... knapa blognya ga bisa di preview... ga asik.. hikshiks..

girls girls girls

2005-04-13T10:14:00.000+07:00

dapet dari ryan... sebenernya ini naekin ato ngerendahin cw ya...

HARD-DISK GIRLS
Cewek jenis ini akan mengingat semua hal,

SELAMANYARAM GIRLS
Cewek jenis akan langsung melupakan mu, pada saat kamu melepaskannya.

WINDOWS Girls
Semua tahu cewek jenis ini tidak dapat melakukan semua dengan benar, tapi kita tidak dapat hidup tanpanya.

SCREEN SAVER Girls
Cewek jenis ini bagus hanya untuk bersenang senang saja

INTERNET Girls
Biasanya susah di akses, dan mudah putus hubungan (Disconnected)

SERVER Girls
Selalu sibuk bila kita membutuhkannya

MULTIMEDIA GIRLS
Cewek jenis ini bisa membuat hal buruk menjadi indah

CD-ROM Girls
Selalu lebih cepat dan cepat

E-MAIL Girls
Setiap sepuluh kalimat yang diucapkannya, delapan kalimat adalah bohong

VIRUS Girls
Cewek jenis ini bila kita tidak memerlukannya dia datang, dia meng-Install dirinya dan menggunakan semua sumber sumber yang ada. Jika kita berusaha meng- Un-install,kita akan kehilangan semuanya. Jika kita tidak berusaha untuk meng Un-Installnya, maka kita pun akan kehilangan juga...cewek jenis ini biasa juga dikenal dengan istilah...ISTRI.

just..

2005-04-04T10:12:00.000+07:00

I hate crying... the headache stays till the morning after..

The Motorcycles Diaries

2005-03-28T10:10:00.000+07:00

Hmmm.. for someone yang ga baca koran, gw perlu nonton untuk tau about what's going on in the world, fiction or fact. And by the way, I don't know Che Guevara was so carmingly puuuuurfect. And…. Gael Garcia giytuh lohhhhh….

Ya ya, Motorcycles Diaries tuh film yang bikin gw…. *why didn't I wanna know about this person before….* After all he started the Cuban revolutionary, even a role model for Nelson Mandela. And his face is practically all over the world of design grafis and distro. The thing is, I thought all revolutionary is from someone that actually feel and been through poverty and great lost… and this guy.. a medical student soon to be a doctor, with a good career waiting for him but he choose playing Robin Hood.

This movie is all about that quote... it's not the result, it's the journey. And this journey changed a man, and soon a country, at the end the world. As a start, both, Ernesto Guevara (23) and Alberto Granado (29), were ambitious and hopeful of the journey, they only pictured even if they're broke and the motorcycle fell into pieces it gonna be fun, like all those stories people only read in books, with the cherry on top.. celebrate Albertos 30th birthday as the journeys end. Selama perjalanan, Ernesto & Alberto, all they see exactly is their race (latino) as naked as can be. So much hurt, lost, and ignorance. Banyak samanya sih ama negara kita tercinta ini. A great civilization actually vanished coz another one shows up, and claimed their the one whose right. At the end, both became two different individual, each with different perspective and different goals. And change Ernesto to Che Guevara.

Pokoknya film ini MUST SEE, is possible kalo yang bikin film berharap maybe.. it would make real changes.. dan kaya kata Che di film ini bilang... revolusi itu harus kreatif, ga niru..ga pernah dilakukan sebelumnya.

*****Film based on true story sekarang, sangat memuaskan.. effort untuk jadi kata TRUE itu berasa banget.

2005-03-25T10:08:00.000+07:00

"Analysis destroys wholes... Some things, magic things, are meant to stay whole. If you look at their pieces, they go away..."

Bridges of Madison County

so sad cant write for few days

2005-03-16T11:09:00.000+07:00

why...why.... why did u have to throw away all of my kittens... hiks... dasar tega... gimana bisa mereka cari makan.... modjo... cemong... ghea... lomo... gendut.... kemana kalian... baik baik ya... modjo... jagain ade2 mu ya....
mama kucing sayang kamu...

talk show

2005-03-09T10:06:00.000+07:00

Hmmm.. a historical day.. for tv, today..
Pertama, ada Tora Sudiro di Ruming TV7, terus ada Christian Bautista di Ceriwis.. yowiss. Yaeh yeah I know pretty phatethic nganggr life ya… sorry but I just love interviews. I believe that interview actually brings out the real people, biasanya jadi basic judgement. Yea I jugde.. guilty pleasure gitu deh…
Tapi kan ga selalu bad judgment.. misalnya kan lame banget kan suka ama Christian Bautista... menye menye gitu lagunya (biarin gue suka). But, waktu itu nonton getar cinta ama Nirina yg jadi host, it’s a pretty good interview... unlike Delon yg TP, Ian justru act pretty natural and sincere.
Lain lagi ama Jamie Cullum, I love his records.. sing a lot from the heart. But one interview I see... he’s just so bitter and all.. I know all about it. I didn’t actually throw the records to the dumps.. I just put it away for a while.
And little miss I’m so punk I cant even begin to believe you, I don’t care coz everybody hate to love n love to hate me Avril Lavigne. (let see how succesfull your concert will be here).
Ada sutradara Indonesia yg I actually worship before I see him being interviewed. Rudi Soejarwo... God I hate that man. He was always so cocky, sok ganteng, sok muda berbakat, sok banyak ide... when he’s just a Stand by Me copycat.

Another good interview is, Gwyneth Paltrow di Oprah... (ini subyektif.... I just love her). Not really, maybe I’m a little surprise she’s so goofy. But anything in Oprah is Good, semua jadi jujur dan cantik, knapa ya... well except Britney, she still look cheap n stupid.

The best maybe Mandy Moore, her songs and movies doesn’t actually worth a Grammy and an Oscar, but I just love her personality. In one interview with Asha on channel V, they’d enjoy talking so much as if they were friends playing truth or dare. The interview felt so quick, she even said, huh? It’s over. Can we doit again. Di ending-nya Asha bilang thank you, you are so real. I think that’s the best compliment you ever get.

.....

2005-03-06T16:28:00.000+07:00

Mostly, I just think, talk, and never do.

Is this making any sense at all?

2005-03-06T16:19:00.000+07:00

After nonton Before Sunset, Serendipity (iya lagi), baca Bridges of Madison County, n rerun of My Girl 2 kemaren di transtv, it's more clear to me that.. only a few things like that happened in real life. I think, misalnya dalam satu keluarga besar kita, paling cuma satu ato dua yang mengisi marriage with it, maybe in my family that’s already sucked by all the love of my Opa to my Oma (you just could tell, even when he was dying, he just wrap all the love around her) Other than that, it’s all about tolerance.

Seperti biasa, minggu pagi kaya gini, me, nyokap and my sister sarapan di teras depan sambil ngeliat lapangan bola yang terus-terusan diguyur ujan dari tadi malem. The three of us just sit around, and eat, and sip the hot coffemix or tea, and just talk. This thing could take till it’s time for lunch. From calm conversations to risen our tone, or even a deep silence. Anyway, this time topik yang diatas yang dibahas, sebelumnya sih bahas masalah lain yang akhirnya nyambung kesini.

I just feel that when someone actually step in to my life, as my husband, it won't be because all the zazazu (as carrie bradshaw once said). Mostly maybe it's because of security reason. Bukan ga ada feeling sama sekali. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to expect passionate love, but mostly all the marriages I know, never had. It’s just the feeling, the reasonable reasons, and the time.

I think I never fought or try anything to get love, so I don't think I deserve that as much as I wanted to. And if someday some guy walks through my door and steps in, he will get what he deserve to get. Misalnya ada cowo yang udah jatuh bangun (dangdut) di relationship, keep falling, (walk under a bus, sit by a train, sunk up at sea, crash his car, gone insane), and at the end of the day he found me, and decided to keep me, not that I’m the love of his life. But I think he deserve this relationship better than I am.

Maybe, in my most deepest denial feeling, I already did feel love, although I've never been through it. But I did get an amount of love that I actually feel that is love. Maybe I had been given that amount of love just for the memory of it. Just for the times that I needed it.

After all we could found love, happiness, and the zazazu just getting back to the feeling, the memories, the books, the movies, or the songs.
Is this making any sense at all?

what a journal it has been

2005-03-03T16:53:00.000+07:00

I just had a trip back in time, baca diary dari tahun 2002. Pertama, cuma mau baca satu halaman aja, but I enjoy my self to much, I finished the hole book.
Back than I don't have a blog, I figured it's just my best way to describe my self. I love reading, I wanna write like those adventure books I read, although I quickly wake up to see that how boring my life is.
U know, I have a few concept and period in my diary, journal or whatever it is.
I write my first journal back when I was still in 3rd or 4th grade I think. It was so lame, mostly it's about a fight I had with my sister cause she always takes the best stuff, my day with my favorite stuffed animal Wempy, or when I was crying. Then I stopped writing.
I found the book again when I was in junior high, read it, and decided to write again, this time I was in the period of when I love movies so much. Every week I would save my money to rent laserdisc of every movie I read about in teen beat. My favorite movie was Clueless, I loved it. It was about nothing and everything, I thought.. I could easily write that. So, I start to write again. In that period the book was filled with.. So, okay I was like... u know... totally.. pretty stupid huh... bummer.. (I still laugh when I read it, amy hackerling should hire me as her writer). Then I stopped again.
Another period is when someone liked me, I can't express my feelings by talking, so I write. Although I tell my self I don't like him, the book is all about him. Till I tell my self to stop, and buy another book, and promise my self never to write about him.
With the new book, I wrote affirmation infront of the page.

This is supposed to be a turning point for me. I want to start a journal that is supposed to reveal my expression and learning about everything in my life. I will try to focused on what I really want and not doing it because what every will think of me. An impression has been a big role in my life, hoped it would be out of the question 4 me.
I will try :
- to keep my promise
- be more organized
- love my self (and take good care of it)
- stop arguing with Papa
- closer to GOD

In this book, I put the center in my feeling, dengan bahasa yang belang-belang I think I get my self more, I'm more opened, I'm more optimist, more creative in expressing what I had to deal with, but I'm still a wanderer.
I think that will always be a part of me, a wanderer that is.
That's why when i read the book today, i missed that part about me, so much that i wanna write again.
I'm still not a devoted friend of the book, I still constantly leave it, and sporadically write it. But, there are time when I opened the book and read the front page, and I get up on my feet again.

Before Sunset

2005-03-02T18:46:00.000+07:00

With a box of cookies n cream ice cream in my hand, place two remote controls on the table, I sit and watch Before Sunset. I really really try to set this movie watching event like it needs so much concentration, otherwise... u won't get it yan...
so there I was.. Sitting straight.
I was interested at this movie cause I read about it in someone's blog (thank u), and it won an oscar. And it's a sequel (I failed to get the first one), so I thought I won't get this one if I didn't try hard.
First the set begun at a bookstore, where Jesse is making a press conference of a book he's written, all in all the press was sure that the best selling book is about his real life, his journey with Celine. Was it real? Did they meet eventually? His answer made me start enjoying the movie.
All the effort I tried to concentrate, is no longer needed.
The story is just about cacthing up something that's unfinished (which I wanted it so much to happened to me to.. I wish). The dialog is so natural just like a river of words, if they told me that the shot was just one take of the whole movie which are not true... I would've belived it. Yang paling nyata di dialog dua orang ini is keterbukaan hati. No one is offended by each, they just connect.
All in all, I truly actually totally believe in the movie... it's what I've been craving for.

Katanya sih susah cari yg pertama (Before Sunrise), but will it ruin the sequel?

u've got to tolerate

2005-03-02T16:39:00.000+07:00

"Doesn't it scares you... you're will is not as strong as it used to be."

Okay..okay.. udah boring nih sekarang.. not having a job and everything... but I don't think I have a great ideas to sell, I just missed those regular things.

Hating Mondays, getting showers with those freezing cold water, breakfast while preparing your bags, forgetting where I put my watch, and all of those till the end of the day meeting manda to talk about nothing and everything.
I try to make another schedule actually, by being home... not that I wanted to tell everyone, then you'll know how lazy I am.
I guess I'm already bored with this schedule, I wanted something else.
Tapi kemaren kan berenti juga karena bosen, gak ngasah otak sama sekali... that's a total lie, gini kan juga bikin otak tambah tumpul yan... dasar pemalas saja kamu... hihi... iya sih... as much as I want that thing... I didn't do a single thing about it.
Ini sama persis sama waktu baru lulus masih berapi2 masuk dunia kerja tapi kok kerjaan yg ada cuma itu, ya udahlah.. set your standard low yan, lo kan cuma trisakti... okay.. but the thing is... I still wanted it... so I felt unsatisfied.. getting out, I'm fired up with ideas... but I got Lala (that what my mom said).. lala itu terbuai. Right now, kayanya balik ke toleransi lagi deh.

little update

2005-02-27T18:05:00.000+07:00

atlast.... Akhirnya terpasang juga internet dirumah. Kemaren dody dateng n he did his magic. And just like a child with her new toys..... I cant help playing n smiling all day. Although I feel very numb now,n I don't now what to write in my blog I just cant help my self. Monik, wirda.... mba renny...... Here I come.....

tarra!....

friendster's magic

2004-12-22T18:03:00.000+07:00

Kemaren akhirnya ke pim lagi... ktemuan ma manda... skalian ktemuan ma wirda... but nyampe br jam tiga... ah coba nomat de... yah udah main semua... ah check email ma frenster aja di bawah... penuh... jalan2 dulu... liat majalah gossip di times... ke warnet lg... msh penuh... gramedia... msh penuh... ke metro (eh ada anak adidas itu...).. msh penuh.. yah tunggu di situ aja de... hmmm... hmmm... hmmm... akhirnya... hua internetnya lama... tp berhasil juga nyampe si frenster... hmm 7 msg, 2 friends req, chocked my self... tristi? Asiah? See people... frenster ada gunanya... this two are my long lost friend, dari jaman susahnya being accepted n live junior high school... gila yg satu udah ngilang sejak kuliah, yang satu ngilang sejak lulus smp....
Anak2 nerds 3A, kangeeen banget... hihi.. kalo inget2 emang geek banget ya kita... but happy with our safety ground (kelas berbakat... hahaha) hey we survived, ampe lulus khan without any violence occurred...
hihi flash back... organizer, foto tempat duduk, our own table, white board br, BSF, rompi, swimming on d floor, st.michael's deo, MDI, Koran dinding, loker, file do it yourself, mie goreng setengah mateng, mkn baso abis olahraga, ganti baju di kelas, nasi babe, jacky, kelas bahasa bu retno, film bodoh anak2 co, our crushes, our conflict, our trip to seaworld... n dufan, n ripleys, believe it or not...

Anak2 nerds 3A, kangeeen banget...

So Bali turns out to be...

2004-12-12T18:01:00.000+07:00

Great... it's that big achievement... hihi... although it actually as manda planned but that trip turn out to be great..

Well first of all... we pick the wrong hotel.. enough said.. it was like jalan jaksa di Jakarta... wahahaha... but we actually got the beach.. jalannya sempit gelap dan cuma cukup satu orang tp ketemu juga pantai bagus... ga serame kuta... it was pretty spooky.. untung ada si ima, yg penakutnya sama.. but.. ima penghianat.. tak menepati janji... mana ima ama manda tertidur pulas dan gue... well... I almost stayed the whole night..

Akhirnya we decided to move.. ke the oasis.. di bakungsari.. puuuurfect.. deket kemana2, gayanya keren minimalis, ga over budget...

And than... ima got pretty sick... tadinya masih maksa pas nyampe sukowati... abis itu ambruk.. yah udah abis ke kuta square balik de ke hotel, rencananya beli kfc aja yg deket hotel, but jadi bisa jalan2 kan... tryt ketinggalan ma manda n febri yg nyelip ke mini market dulu... biasa yana sok pinter.. jalan aja ampe kfc.. toh diujung kuta square itu kan... aman... kan rame... not.. with all the 'I cant hear u' I survived ampe di kfc, kok belom ada juga tuh anak dua... telfon manda kok mailbox... maybe there something wrong in my sim card... hmmm... cari wartel... yah sang wartel depan belakang ama tempat bikin tattoo... ga papa.. I survived.. tp ttp mailbox.. so I decided to go back to kfc... lalu ada pria gimbal gondrong dan temannya gimbal pendek... neng.. smoke smoke.. weed weed... hmmm... I think I'll just get back... and laugh about my self...

Hari ketiga... swimming day... hihi.. pagi2.. ma manda ama febri, brenang juga kita dgn pakaian tennis kita bwahahaha.... engga man punya lo engga.... but wish kita beli disana aja.. so many of them.. bali is splurging your eyes with roxy, billabong, rip curl.. nd others... siangnya.. jalan de ama manda n febri (cical jagain ima, sakit... jd kita cari makan) jalan aja tiba2 udah nyampe hard rock hotel... jalan lagi udah pantai kuta... huaaaa... pantai... indahnyaaaa... panasnya.. ayo kita masuk gift shopnya hard rock café aja... ah AC.. jalan lagiii.. lucu ya kuta begini sekarang.. (terakhir smp sih).. sepanjang pantai ada coffee shop.. even ada took replay n furla.. hmmn.. akhirnya kita mkn di McD w kuta beach view... gorjess.. so many Australian... malah kayanya mereka lbh ngerasa Bali itu theirs than ours... ga tahannya Bali terik nya... u know what would b great rite now.. iced cappuccino.. circle K tryt punya coffee to go... yummy.. masing2 megang minuman ready to go again guys... eh ada taxi... balik naek taxi aja yuk... hihi.....

Sorenya kita ngotot.... waterboom... nyampe sana tinggal satu setengah jam lagi... bodo amat... speed up... speed up... such a chaos start.. mana ternyata salah milih loker... akhirnya bedua manda nahan isinya... febri tutup pintunya... mungkin karena waktunya dikit, jadi nekat di coba semuanya... engga d... not that crazy enough to try smash down...

Karena ima sakit kita udah rela ga kemana2 lagi... tinggal ke jimbaran makan malem... tryt tour guidenya baek... besoknya udah direncanain ke GWK, Dreamland (dream islandnya ima) ama, Nusa Dua (yg ini ga kekejar), yah since kita juga berangkat jam 11 udah cukup lah ya.. n back to airport... in the plane... bye Bali...

left behind

2004-11-20T17:57:00.000+07:00

Ketemuan ama Santi, Faney, n fussy...
Such along time... ga nyangka... bisa juga... yah biasa lah as they were... waktu SMA... yg bikin nyesel knapa ga ketularan mereka gitu biar cantikan dikit... kan skrg jadinya muka udah biasa kena bedak hihi..
Talking to them... ga nyangka... udah pada mateng banget soal kerjaan.. kok gw belom ya... so clueless about the world, n my work... but come to think of it.. iyalah yan... atleast beda setaun pengalaman kerja ama mereka... but I'm so proud they've come to be gorgeous girls... ups women... with gorgeous minds... yah tinggal pada married de... knapa ya rasanya masih jauh banget bagi gw...

goody bag

2004-11-11T13:43:00.000+07:00

wahahahaha... hihihihihi... (dinyanyikan dengan lagu sepatu kaca)...
akhirnya tas kuw jadi...
after a long wait of one month.. it's finally here..
glad i was so cerewet about it

plan a and plan b

this plan A and plan B, maunya sih persis anya.. hihi... plagiat

storyboard

this is the story board.. Manda see.. i could be as freak as u are

dan hasilnya... yah in the middle of plan A n plan B, i couldn't be more happier than if it was the real one.
btw, everyone, that's me..

sorry

2004-11-10T16:57:00.000+07:00

got this from manda yesterday...

http://www.sorryeverybody.com/gallery/1/

lucu juga... kapan ya orang indo bisa kaya gini, mungkin setelah ga kepingin punya presiden ganteng.

little reunion

2004-11-09T10:59:00.000+07:00

little reunion yesterday... ktemu tobey, mira sama imel... si imel mulai di mandiri downstairs.. hihi.. kocak juga ya, ngebayangin udah pada kerja... it's funny, when u know someone dari kecil (gmn nih bahasanya) lo akan terus ngeliat mereka just as dulu lo pertama kali kenal ama dia.. just like our parents sees us..
so that's how i see imel with her blazer and corporate skirt... ga pantes mel.. hahaha... sama aja sih ama gw, diketawain juga pake coat kotak2 itu... sebetulnya masih pingin ngobrol byk ama tuh anak.. but dia juga ga enak ama supervisornya, pada belom istirahat..
pas pulang pinginnya ketemuan sih tapi udah pulang duluan, padahal janjian ama si manda, mau nonton ama febri... mau ikut tp ternyata filmnya terlalu malem.
yah akhirnya kita makan, since febri ga mood ama tempat regular kita makan so we decided to try something else.. pizza hut it is.
full stomach.. tired mouth.. and sleepy head, we stepped home... what? it's 10 o'clock already... humh tau gini nonton aja..

hectic shopping day

2004-11-08T16:11:00.000+07:00

Yesterday was hectic... tadinya mau pergi bedua monik, dengan pa' supir ais... but tryt ade gue yg satu itu mengingkari janjinya, dia ga jadi pulang pagi, kalap tidur dirumah temennya dan baru bangun jam 12… too late.. my mom already offered to drive us.... this means, dinta would come along and my dad would come along... and I know what kind of trip this is... if I we did go on with my dad... (it sounds that bad isn’t it)... no offense but..
So as planned we drive through Plaza Senayan, but with an agreement that we would separate... sorry mommy.. we'd have to leave u with that situation, u've been there 25 year right? (",)
So me and monik speed up... what da? There goes my mood to shop... so many people, so crowded... apalagi di point break... lagian ngapain sih orang mau lebaran malah beli baju pantai... ga diskon juga gitu, mahal2 lagi... ampe 600 rb, cuma dapet kaos tiga potong kali, but since I... had a real deal there... (maksudnya emang ada kepentingan, buat ke pantai... hei jgn2 mereka juga lagi).. eniwei I had to jump myself in there...
n I got it... my swimsuit top soulmate... now I have to find the perfect flip flops.. it just never stop isn't it....

silver celebration

2004-11-08T13:19:00.000+07:00

Friday was my parents silver wedding anniversary... so we went out, well.. they went out, I just meet them at american grill, right down my office... so we all sat down at the table since there's the six of us, we sat at the table with six chairs. Not knowing that's a non smoking area... atleast it's near the salad bar... ;9
As we all know it's big deal for my dad, since the five of us are non smokers... usually.. kita ngalah.. but not today... hihi… memanfaatkan event… masa ga mau ngalah ama anak2nya... yah dia ga ngotot lagi sih... just ngedumel keluar... ngerokok diluar..
Abis makan appetizer... minuman nyampe.. but kok kurang satu, jadi pas dia balik dia ngomel.. gimana sih kok minum papa ga ada, pdhl kayanya dia lupa mesen... makanan nyampe... (tarik napas dalam2 semua, mudah2an ga ada yg salah)... sepanjang pengeliatan sih ga ada... start chowing everyone... mncckkk.. mcckkkk..(oo..) we know what this means.. it's going to be a long supper... at the middle of it, my mom just can't stop smiling n at the end she laugh, we all know what that was... I just could help is to ask… mama lagi ngetawain mama sendiri? ato mama lagi ngetawain mama diketawain 4JJ... we all just nod and smile... we understood each ather... except for the one man busy with his plate...

still can't help it to love u both... happy anniversary...

hurt in the hips

2004-11-08T09:18:00.000+07:00

argh.... i got my friendly friend today... why didn't this happened last week, than i could've had a shopping trip to mangga dua... and this may means, it will accompanied me on the trip. huaaaa... okay wishful thinking...

guilt

2004-11-04T11:44:00.000+07:00

...u're not a failure until u start blaming everybody else... Tadi pagi padahal baru gw baca itu disampul kaset usher..
and that’s exactly what I did setelah diajak ngomong mba karin.. although deep down I know it’s my fault, I just can’t help it. I just don’t wanna feel hurt. So I did it, I start blaming…
the obvious thing is.. I feel relieve, but it started to grow towards guilt. I got slap in the face, dibilang labil, ga tegas… n dicontohin orang yg ga bisa dipegang omongannya. and I know that’s exactly my gesture was telling, unconfident person.
And as usual brief, mba karin bilang ini buat kamu kedepannya, ini yang harus kamu tau kalo mau jadi leader yang kuat.. will I be? I don’t know.. pray for me..

tankini?bikini?..

2004-11-02T17:30:00.000+07:00

i'm still trying to find the perfect swimwear...kan mau ke bali..ciee...
so me and manda is constantly go in and out of sports n lingerie dept. cant find the one i want, except that i can't get my mind out of that, brown bikini at point break... or that white one with boycut pants. n manda masih berusaha meracuni gw dengan website2 swimware...here's my top candidate...

2004-11-02T17:29:00.000+07:00

yang mana yah..

classic movies

2004-11-02T10:13:00.000+07:00

test yg dapet dari blog orang... this is the result

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

really?..

..decision..

2004-11-02T08:43:00.000+07:00

i've decide it... i even told people.. although not the person i should but atleast to wirda i did... it's a scary part for me although its relieving..
i thought i'm gonna get some peoples dissapointment, but i don't think so.. they're actually happy with my decision. very supporting. maybe the one i was so scared about telling is myself, am i ready to tell my self the insecurity.. well.. see how this goes... i'm still getting ready to tell mba karin...
pray for me..

hipe

2004-11-01T08:40:00.000+07:00

hipe...hipe...i'm so hipe...oh shut up..i earned this... hihihi... akhirnya berhasil juga ngumpulin anak2...thanks dod!!..eventhough not completly success but fair enough.
walau yg puasa cuma bareng ninoe, kiki, deva, yosa, sakur puasa ga ya?... but everyone came, that includes doddy, arie, junita, anggie, adenya anggie..angga, allan temennya junita, ronny, dan cewenya atid.. cant belive it..
the big minus is oelil, aya, ika, and dimas, cant make it... although kita akhirnya mampir ke rumah aya... biasa, mbah dukun tarot bertindak... so glad aya ga marah... she doesn't like to be left out, i know..maaf ya...tp gw juga ga bisa jemput..
padahal pulang dari aya juga baru jam stgh sebelas.. but i think we've got the highest high...

yey..

2004-10-28T15:52:00.000+07:00

yipeeyooo...yippeeeeeyay...i can change the template...
atleast one step forward...

relationship smeelationship

2004-10-28T08:15:00.000+07:00

di salah satu episode ajang ajeng yg di MTV (kalo ga salah waktu final), salah satu kontestan, Ditha, ditanya...kamu akan pilih orang yang cinta mati sama kamu atau orang yg memberikan kamu kemapanan.. dan jawaban dia.. kalo orang ini cinta sama saya, dia akan memberikan saya kemapanan. smart answer...

kemaren faney telfon, such along time i didn't hear from her... since i got guilty all over my face. well, ternyata dia ga mikir gitu... soalnya gw ngerasa banget, waktu itu, dia ga enak cerita tentang dibalik lagi ama cowonya.. dan gw malah ngerasa gw manas2in dia... pasti nyokapnya marah kalo tau apa yg udah gw omongin ke faney. but she's my bestfriend, n i want the best for her, bukan cinta mati tanpa usaha, tapi untuk orang se-fragile faney, dia butuh pegangan.
if it takes to tell the truth about how i fell, n she'll hate me for that.. it's okay.

hopefully for me, i got sms dari dia sebelum puasa, about her latest news, dan kemaren dia curhat sama gw ttg semua... i'm all ears fan. it is hard to get out of a long relationship n start a new one, without your family involved. but i just don't get, knapa mereka semua ga bisa be happy for her, kan semua fakta udah jelas...
apasih yg mereka harapin dari seorang manusia.. apalagi manusia yg ga bisa berusaha sendiri buat dirinya.. apalagi buat orang lain.. maybe it's too much story to be burn n closed down, lama2 kan keliatan juga setiap orang punya prioritas beda.. n i dont think their going the same way...
eniwei marriege is not the end of a relationship, it's the beginning.. and i think u should begin with the right person... n the right mind.. not because it's been along therm relationship.

3 messages

2004-10-26T16:40:00.000+07:00

ga ngerti.. ga ngerti... ga ngerti... gimana sih ngatur blog2 ini... susyah sekali... orang kok pada bisa sih... cuma mau simpel aja.. biar ga bolong... biar links nya bisa, punya tag board... hiks...
hari ini dapet beberapa messages di frenster, satu menggembirakan, satu aneh, satu lagi aneh juga...
satu dari ciciet, senangnya ngedenger someone (close to me) masih seneng ngomongin ttg advertising... it's like i'm walking alone in this goal i want, knapa sih semua pada give up begitu... maybe karena kita trisakti ya...kayanya ga ada harapan ke advertising, mungkin pada ngerasa kalah aja ama anak2 laen.
u make me feel like i'm the last survival... great romantic... u stop believing and the world stop spinning round...
bener ga ya teks nya... sebenernya ini lagunya tunde baiyewu... tapi berhubung nge-browse belom dapet teksnya..jadi ngarang de...
yah pokonya lagu itu lagi explain what i'm feeling right now... padahal pas baca di websitenya... tryt ttg cinta juga.. (kok ga ada hubungannya).
yang dua lagi (frenster) perlu dibahas ya?...

be heard?

2004-10-25T09:04:00.000+07:00

uhuk..uhuk... cie batuk...
tangan gw dingin banget nih, rasanya sweater kurang tebel nih, kurang cukup menghadang dinginnya AC kantor. belom mulai-mulai kerja juga yan, iya iya bentar... up date doang minggu kemaren... yg sebenernya ga terjadi apa-apa.
am i that unmeaning to them?... ok yan, back to that point again... i thought u weren't gonna talk about it.
sometimes i feel that i dont have a partner, sometimes i feel like i'm my only friend...ayo nyanyi...
ya udah lah udah lewat, i always could and would be a listener... just don't have the time to talk... or be heard... yah ga papa lah, kan punya blog.. but i need a feedback.. manusia kan mahluk sosial... need each other..
kaya ga ada yg compatible buat diajak ngomong, satu pikiran lah... yah just gave up my hope aja...monik malah bilangnya.. kakak pingin punya cowo ya... ugh ga ngerti banget sih...

2004-10-23T15:43:00.000+07:00

look at me, i'm that shock

2004-10-23T15:31:00.000+07:00

staff day with anp

it's one of those saturday...

2004-10-23T08:49:00.000+07:00

it's one of those saturday...
the ones that i had to go to work, with nobody else in the room, nobody has arrived yet, and all alone in the graphic room. yah... maen fenster ama nulis blog de... kan ga sempet juga sih tiap hari... nothing much to say but just late happenings like...
dateng ke fashion week mercedes, dan bertemu Sari Nila (my idol), who was sitting right infront of me... i dont care if anyones watching... it's my one moment in time... if i didn't grab it... i wouldn't have anymore chances... so i did.. don't ask me what i did... i just did it.
then, dinta had a tumor, trus mesti operasi, apa ya maksud tuhan sama dia dan keluarga gw, ais abis kecelakaan sekarang dia yg baru kelas 5 SD, mesti operasi, ngangkat tumornya... nyokap bilang, pas ais kecelakaan dia kok lebih gampang berserah diri dan jadi tau what to do tanpa panik, pas masalah ini kok malah susah to grab something out of if and make plans... akhirnya setelah beberapa hari diputusin untuk operasi, jadi check up semua dulu, minum obatnya yg dikasih, n cool down n re think... u know what happened, pas lagi nunggu dokter anestesinya diperiksa lagi ama dokter bedahnya.. and it's gone, the lump got smaller... trus dokternya bilang... wah kalo gini ga usah dioperasi ya, dinta minum obatnya aja... what?...
pas lagi hari operasi, gw lagi supervisi foto.. trus dia sms gw..
dinta : kakak aku ga jadi operasi dong...
me : berarti dinta banyak yg doain
dinta : ya iya dong..
then, that lebaran n xmas hectic... belom lagi pesenan om sule' hua... ancur ancur de nih badan... udah bindeng dan tangan gw dingin bgt seharian... pasti kalo ga istirahat jadi flu berat.. n i can't have those by this time... what flu... is there any word that defined as flu... nope never heard of it...

when I die

2004-10-04T13:45:00.000+07:00

When I die, I want to be
A child in Heaven.
I want to be
A ten-year-old cherub.
I want to be
A hero in Heaven,
And a peacemaker,
Just like my goal on Earth.
I will ask God if I can
Help the people in Purgatory.
I will help them think,
About their life,
And their spirits,
About their future.
I will help them
Hear their Heartsongs again,
So they can finally
See the face of God,
So soon.
When I die,
I want to be,
Just like I want to be
Here in Earth.

November 1999
© Matthew Joseph Thaddeus Stepanek

FOR OUR WORLD

2004-10-04T13:35:00.000+07:00

We need to stop.
Just stop.
Stop for a moment…
Before anybody
Says or does anything
That may hurt anyone else.
We need to be silent.
Just silent.
Silent for a moment…
Before we forever lose
The blessing of songs
That grow in our hearts.
We need to notice.
Just notice.
Notice for a moment…
Before the future slips away
Into ashes and dust of humility.
Stop, be silent, and notice…
In so many ways, we are the same.
Our differences are unique treasures.
We have, we are, a mosaic of gifts
To nurture, to offer, to accept.
We need to be.
Just be.
Be for a moment…
Kind and gentle, innocent and trusting,
Like children and lambs,
Never judging or vengeful
Like the judging and vengeful.
And now, let us pray,
Differently, yet together,
Before there is no earth, no life,
No chance for peace.

September 12, 2001
© Matthew Joseph Thaddeus Stepanek

mattie's memoriam

2004-10-04T13:19:00.000+07:00

pernah lagi nonton oprah, ada anak extraordinary yg cerita dia nulis buku, namanya mattie stefanek, seluruh badannya dipenuhin selang2 bahkan satu nembus lehernya dan dia masih semangat cerita ttg world peace and love.. i got interested, n watch the whole show. malah jadi sering bahkan bukan cuma di oprah... di larry king live juga ada. trus ada kesempatan nitip buku diluar, i got two books of his. terakhir ngeliat dia diwawancara oprah, lagi keputus2 nafasnya. bahkan pd satu show, oprah minta semua take a moment untuk doain sahabat kecilnya, mattie.. lama2 lupa aja soal mattie, except bukunya just hanging there in my bookself. trus sebulan lalu monik nanya, eh mattie stepanek apa kabar ya?.. kakak cari ka, browse aja... dan lupa, baru inget sekarang...lagi ga byk kerjaan. and this is what i found...

Mattie Stepanek died at Children's National Medical Center in Washington D.C. on Tuesday, June 22, according to a statement from the hospital. He had been hospitalized since early March for complications related to the disease that weakened most of his body's major functions. Mattie was 13 and is survived by his mom Jeni.

Mattie J.T. Stepanek is a 13-year-old young man who was born with a rare neuromuscular disease called dysautonomic mitochondrial myopathy. His disease is one of the 43 types of diseases being researched by the Muscular Dystrophy Association.

Mattie has also shared his messages of hope and peace on many television programs. He has been on the Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Live, Good Morning America, Primetime, The Today Show, and many other programs many times. Every year, he also helps with the Jerry Lewis Labor Day Telethon. In 2002, he drove cross country with his mom, and friends, Sandy and Chris, to be in Los Angeles for the Telethon.

He loved getting to see his country coast to coast from the van. In 2003, he was unable to travel because of a decline in his health, so he enjoyed co-hosting all 21 hours of the local Baltimore, MD station telethon.

Mattie feels very lucky to have met many wonderful people during his journey through life. He has become close friends with lots of great people, including Jimmy Carter, Oprah Winfrey, Larry King, Christopher Cross, Lance Bass, and Billy Gilman. During 2003, Mattie and Billy Gilman collaborated on a CD project, Music Through Heartsongs. On the CD, Billy sings 12 of Mattie's poems that have been put to various styles of music, including Celtic, soft rock, Hawaiian, country, jazz, and pop-Christian style. One of his favorite tracks, I AM/Shades of Life, was made into a music video, where Mattie has a cameo.

Mattie also feels very blessed just to be alive at age 13. Children born with his disease do not usually live very long. Mattie knows that each day is a gift, and he makes the most of it. He says he gets his strength from God and his mom, and also from the people that become part of his circle of life. "People tell me I inspire them. And that inspires me. It's a beautiful circle, and we all go around together, with and for each other. What a gift," says Mattie.

little things..

2004-10-01T18:39:00.000+07:00

happy banget nih kayanya si ais, yeah... i'm glad too, atleast one of us in the family that have guts to tell someone they like, the truth... mudah2an aja yg dia hope itu dibuka jalannya... yah udah kliatan sih kayanya responnya baik, never seen him that happy. the thing about my brother is, he never let his real feeling out, jadi pada baru2 ini dia suka ama cw dan suka curhat ke gue, is a BIG thumbs up from me. butuh ditabrak ama orang mabok, terbaring di rumah sakit, ampe mukanya remuk, baru dia yakin suka sama ini cewe, ironisnya ni cewe mau pergi, and if the plan doesn't goes well, it would be for good. jadi dia panik, hahha... it's okay is, loosing someone makes u human.

hmmm...start over?

2004-10-01T18:33:00.000+07:00

start new writings... hihi ... kayanya tersendat-sendat gini nih ngisi blognya, nothing much, just wanna write something everyday about me..

2004-06-14T17:02:00.000+07:00

" In the point of fact, however, shoes are the most affordable high-fashion fix for many womaen. Only a few people can buy a new Gucci suit every season, but the latest Gucci shoes sell out immidiately."

Shoes : a lexicon of style